Earlier today, I had a small handful of dried apricots for lunch. Little did I know, hours later, I would get the bloating of my life. So you know, I have never been bloated like this ever from dried apricots, let alone just a few of them. But I know it was the apricots, as it was all I had to eat at that point.
Anyhoo. Hours of this insane bloating pain goes by. It's like I ate the antithesis of prunes. But, thinking they come from the same family of fruit, you would just shit the pain away, but not in this case. Holy crap, not even a bottle of Bean-o could save me. And then the farting starts (luckily this happens when I get home, as the bloating all occurred when I was at work).
And I fart.
And I fart.
And I fart.
And I fart.
And I fart.
This literally goes on for hours. Seriously, farting non-stop, for hours. I take trips from my room to the bathroom (as I'm afraid at times something may cause mud-butt), avoiding my roommates because I don't want them to smell all the flatulence that is coming out of me. At times while on the pot, little specks of fiber city fly out of my ass, like G-force winds pushing them out. And I know, that if I hold it in, I'm fucked. It'll just gurgle about in my abdomen for hours like some rancid alien stomach version of a chest-burster just dying to get out, and the pain will be even worse than before. Frankly, there's no choice, that fart has to come out. And then there are times when my ass is full of hot air, and it won't come out, and the pressure on the walls of my abdomen is so great, I also have no choice but to push that fart out, too. All kinds of fucked up sounds and smells, barreling out of my ass, whether I control it or not, just to get some sort of relief.
And finally, the pressure simmers down, and it's the best thing in the world. Holy crap, my ass hurts from some serious business going on down there, but frankly, I prefer it at this point.
surprised
Curiousss.
Yuck.
ditzy